Narcissus… what a jerk.

I wouldn’t consider myself a narcissistic person. At best, I’m extremely self-aware and introspective. I have a long history of self-criticism, like the majority of self-loathing females plagued by media attraction guidelines. Blah blah blah, we’ve heard it a million times before. That being said, I have these occasional moments (more like stretched to minutes) of admiration for my form. They usually arrive after hours, under the soft glow of a bedside lamp. Last night I found myself contorting my figure in the mirror for a good 10 minutes, just… contemplating. My body has changed a bit since my teenage years, and it never ceases to amaze me how my utter digust at 16 has blossomed into mere occasional annoyance at 26.

NO, I wasn’t masturbating. God, get your mind out of the gutter. This isn’t soft core porn. My visual exploration was triggered by another photography class. As I am taking a digital, pas film, class this time, I get access to the studio and get to learn some lighting techniques and more about photoshop, both of which I’m excited about. The structure is the same as the one before: 3 projects, 1 technical, 1 portraiture, 1 still life.

Portraiture has always been my favorite, although I don’t have quite the passion for fashion photography. It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but it’s beautiful partially because the people are stereotypically perfect. Doesn’t seem like as much of a challenge to me. I prefer to work with average joes (Not that I have access to a plethora of super models, but you know what I mean). I like to discover how beautiful people can be without perfect noses and oodles of makeup. To be lovely just because they are. To pull it out of them, even when they resist. That’s perfect, to me. That’s the best part. Let me know if you wanna join in. Don’t be scared, trust me. 🙂

In the mean time, I’ll be pondering self-portraiture.  That’s part of the assignment, unfortunately. I prefer to be behind the camera, as I don’t feel I’m particularly photogenic. I have my moments, but they are few and far between. Usually I just look weird and all light-defracted. I tried some mild nudity the last time I had this task at hand. I wanted something pure and real, but I couldn’t get it right. I couldn’t portray the beauty I felt must be inside. I wanted a cross between Robert Mapplethorpe and this one photo fro Lillian’s (but I’m totes blanking on the artist; look at this pic: it’s the woman’s hip, upper left of the photo).

This time, however, I’m even more determined. Fingers crossed, here’s hoping.

Current Jam: “Tip of the Tongue” The Donnis Trio

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