Yup, we all got ’em. I’m a work in progress.
1) I’m impatient: that whole delayed gratification thing? I’m not so good at that. I used to have a serious sweet tooth. For some inexplicable reason my cravings steadily, almost imperceptively, decreased over the years. I suspect it’s directly correlated to my ongoing battle to keep those things out of my kitchen. Because in the past I have been known to binge like cray-cray on ice cream, cake, candy, whatever you name it. So today happened: Halloween approaches, and it’s no secret that the company I work for appeases its employees with calories. I received a goodie bag of chocolate covered oreos and pretzels… I was kind of hungry… it was about time for my mid-morning snack anyway… and I hadn’t had chocolate in a whilllleee…. so what did this smart cookie do? I ate like 4 of them, 1 right after the other. delicious. Until about 30 minutes later when I made myself so nauseous I had to sneak to the bathroom and vomit it all up. Smart, smart cookie. Yep, that’s me.
2) I have passive-aggressive tendencies: In a perfect world I would be oh so laid back. Oh, you used the rest of the coffee mate and didn’t buy more? No biggie, it’s coo’. You invite me to hang out, and then when I show up you’re with your new boo, and you’re kind of ignoring me because you’re in that puppy love phase? Whatevs, I’m happy for you! And 75% of the time, I really don’t mind. Here’s the rub: Those minor annoyances end up building and building until I. am. PISSED. And then I, regrettably, lash out over some minuscule thing, that didn’t bother me the first 50 times.
See, I forget that people can’t read my mind. And that they can’t (or don’t want) to read my body language. I’m trying really hard to find that sweet spot in between; that magical place where I can frankly tell someone what’s on my mind without a) appearing insane and/or a bitch, and b) …..Well, Yeah…..
3) I over analyze A LOT: Like, Everything. I nitpick and nitpick because I can’t get out of my own head. Even worse, the level at which I speculate meaning and intention in others pales in comparison to my own intense introspection. What did that mean? Was it because they misinterpreted what I said?? Or did they??? AM I OVERTHINKING THIS???! This ping pong game of internal banter usually results in a fabrication completely different from what actually transpired. And then I forget that that conversation only happened in my head… Aaand then I reference it later and no one knows what the hell I’m talking about.
4) I can’t throw a football: My hands are too damn small. It’s hard!
Current Jam: “You See Me” Childish Gambino