I know what you’re thinking: UUUGGGHHHH RESOLUTIONS ARE SO CLICHÉ. Know what I have to say to that? LIFE IS CLICHÉ. ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON.
But in all honesty, I really needed this year to end. I need a new beginning, a fresh start. That’s what makes New Years resolutions so ubiquitous and popular: You can start all over. Everybody gets a second chance. (Alert! Random movie quote! Who’s got me?!)
As 2013 and all its possibilities loom before me, I must admit I’m nervous. I want to be optimistic; in fact I’ve tried really hard to promote that façade. But in reality I’m worried. 2013 has slight failure and unhappiness potential. I have some resolutions, some plans. *BUT* *BUT* *BUT* I’m finding myself seriously lacking in the motivation department, and I have my suspicions as to the causes. Truth moment: I have… an addictive personality. I have some bad habits that I really need to break, but unlike moi 2-3 years ago I can’t seem to force that hammer down, so to speak. I kinda just don’t care… And the thing that bothers me the most is that I don’t know how to overcome this melancholic apathy. Seriously, what happened? Granted, I’ve never been a super disciplined lady. I want what I want when I want it. But at least in the past I had enough shame to restrain myself. At least occasionally…
I feel a mental block that’s never been there before, to my knowledge. I’m normally an extremely introspective person. I know all the dreaded ins and outs of my personality. But right now I almost feel as if I don’t know myself at all. I’ve morphed into something utterly other. I guess it could be a period of growth… I mean you’re not the same person at 20 that you are at 30, unless you’re extremely unfortunate. But isn’t that process more gradual? What’s going on in my brain?! Who am I?!……..
Regardless of my mental confusion, I’m still maintaining some kind of resolution determination as the arduous year begins. I’ve all the basics covered: get my ass back to my regular gym schedge, travel an assload, and save some mothafuckin’ money. *Fingers crossed* In the mean time, I’ve been pondering the suggestions below. If you’re suffering from year end/new years depression comme moi, check this out:
How To Be Happy – Gretchen Rubin – Happiness Project. It may help this new year seem… manageable? Better? More hopeful?
Current Jam: “Welcome Home” Radical Face