WHY SO SERIOUS….

SHANK!

Teehee, just joshin’ ya. I seriously can’t do or say anything with a straight face today. I’ve been sitting on my ass doing homework for almost 12 hours now, the only mutable factor being where my ass happens to be – the computer lab, my couch, my toilet. Truth be told, I’ve gone a little nutty. And not in the almond joy kind of way (ermahgerd those things are like little pieces of cracked-out heaven).

And so I’ve dutifully poured myself a cocktail, flipped an enthusiastic finger to the notion of going to the gym, and have sat back down on my poor, poor ass to write to you. HOWS IT GOING, INTERWEB??!

In an effort to have some semblance of direction I shall now attempt to construct a coherent narrative of my day… wait that’s fucking boring. Here’s some other stuff instead:

1) I’m 27 years old…. TESTIFYYYYYYY!: 26, unmarried, and childless.

2) Fun fact Thursday (in my brain, that’s alliteratical right now…. and yes that’s also a real word I just used there): Do you know where the term ‘freelance writer’ came from? Well, back in the middle ages, they had knights n shit, right? And those knights all had lances, to which they attached the flag of the lord/country they were fighting for. If you had a free lance, it meant you would fight for whoever would PAY YOU. I wonder if Dave Chappelle was free lance knight in a past life… ya think?

3) As I now live on caffeine and also live in one of the hottest, muggiest, most disgusting states in the country, here’s a recipe for easyass batches of iced coffee. Just remember: sugar doesn’t dissolve in a cold drink…. You’d be surprised how often I forget that.

4) In case you weren’t sure, EVERYONE can pull off red hair. Trust me… well… trust my stylist. I’m a summer, a pale-faced ashy blond, I’ve got pink undertones in my skin: whatever description works most effectively for you, just trust me. If you’re bored, give it a try. Just don’t go to supercuts.

5) I’m a ’90’s nostalgia WHORE right now. X-files, Buffy, fuckin’ Gin Blossoms. Giveittome. Giveitallllltome. Maybe I just miss not having wrinkles.

6) I spent this summer reading How To Be a Woman instead of recommended art history shit. I wish I could go back to reading for fun. Also I want to give this book to every friend I’ve ever had that claims she’s not a feminist… make that every friend period.  I also want Caitlin Moran to be my brit biffl because she’s hilarious and understands the versatility of yellow shoes.

7) I recently discovered that I am a C cup. I’m still not sure I believe it.

Speaking of Xfiles…. PEACE OUT YO!

Current Jam: Dodododododododooooooo……. (Xfiles theme: Mark Snow you the maaaan!!!)

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