Letters I will never send, Part deux

Sometimes I use my blog as a way to sort through and process difficult emotions… can you tell??

I’m trying really hard not to hate you as much as you apparently hate me. Because I didn’t do anything wrong. All I did was be myself, and if being myself caused someone to pick me over you, not my problem. I didn’t sabotage you. I think if you should be mad at anyone, you should be mad at yourself. And although I am dealing with a lot of anger towards you, mostly… I think I feel sorry for you. You’re kind of pathetic, you know that? Maybe you do, and you just don’t know how to handle it.

The fact that this is even about ‘losing’ for you is sad. I can’t believe you have so little self-respect that you lose your shit over something so (eventually) unimportant as someone’s affection… Now, I admit I am a sensitive person. I take things personally; I hurt when I’m rejected too. But the fact that you’ve held this candle, or grudge, or whatever it is latched to your heart for this long… Don’t you think it’s time to move on?

I only know one side of the story, because you refuse to speak to me (again… I don’t really get why, since all I’ve ever been is nice to you, despite how rude you’ve been to me). Maybe there’s something I’m missing. That’s very possible. However, based on what I know at this moment, it breaks down to this: it’s about a boy. When you boil it down to the bare bones, don’t you see how ridiculous that is? It’s ridiculous. And I hope you eventually learn that you’re better than that… or at least that you can be.

I try really hard to be a good person (honestly, I thought most people did), but I’m not perfect. So right now, I feel more hate than pity for you. You acted selfishly. You acted like an immature, little girl. So grow up. Because in the end, all you’ve accomplished is this: the realization that while you may be “prettier than me”… looks only fade. Underneath it all, I’m beautiful. With a boy, without a boy, I’m still beautiful. That’s more than I can say for you.

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