Thoughts

I’ve been meaning to share this article with you, gentle readers, for a while. I guess I was waiting for the appropriate context. It’s an article via thought catalog, called “How I Know I Love You.” No time like the present, since I’m still feeling very depressed and increasingly drained. It feels like I’m running on reserve fumes. I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep. I’m weak but I can’t eat. I didn’t shower for 3 days, until my friend literally stripped me down and practically shoved me under running water, like I was a lab accident.

I was reminded of this today as I made a heartfelt, (last ditch?) effort at reconciliation. I pulled up the article, and I can’t exactly express just how relevant this has been for me today. As I patiently wait for a response, I’m starting to shake, because the stress of this week has almost broken me. The only thing I can think to think is, when you’ve done all you can, all that’s left is to expect the worst but hope for the best.

I know I love you because I can’t abandon you, not even when you’re being a dick. Not even when you’re being ten dicks. Normally I don’t put up with that sort of behavior but I love you and I understand you’re stressed or frustrated or PMS-y so I’ll let it slide for a little bit. But I also love you enough to call you out on it when it gets to be too much. I know I love you because only people who love you care to say something about your bad behavior instead of saying nothing and just calling you an asshole behind your back.

I know I love you because I want to listen, I really do. I don’t have anywhere to be that can’t wait for a while and I’m not checking my phone, in fact turned it off and buried it in the cushions the moment you said you needed me. I’m here for you and that other thing can wait.

Current Jam: “Stand By Me” Ben E. King, cause it reminds me of you.

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