It has begun.

I’ve come to realize that each semester I have about 3 moments like this:

Today officially marks incident 1. Frankly, I’m stunned I got as far as I did before the first meltdown; Historically ground zero ruptures a few weeks earlier. So we’ll dutifully cross that off the list of things to do today:

1. Meet with unbelievably nice professor to discuss my paper

2. Admit to professor that I now suspect my initial thesis is dumb and won’t work. 

3. Try not to cry when professor gently agrees with me.

4. Try not to look completely confused when he tries to explain (again) the impossible-to-comprehend theoretical approaches discussed thus far in the class, none of which I have successfully applied to my monument. (nope)

5. Don’t think of this meme when he sees right through my façade of understanding at the theory he just rationally explained to me: (nope)

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6. Leave meeting totally dejected, wondering a: how in the hell I decided that I could maybe be good at something like this, and b: why in the hell this university gives an idiot with two thumbs who speaks limited French (this moi) money to go to school.

7. Speaking of money, go request more financial aid because I’m living off Ramen and high-interest credit right now.

8. Try not to cry.

9. Stare blankly at the 20 other things on my to-do list.

10. Give up and go cry in the bathroom because I feel so freakin’ dumb today.

Check, check, checkity checkcheckcheck. Does this mean I can have a glass of wine now?

Current Jam: “Rivalries” The Menzingers

(Silver lining: this is my last semester. This is my last semester. This is my last…. Zzzzzzz *nods off and then wakes up brutally when her head hits the desk*)